so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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