the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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