Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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