I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
