I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
