apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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