Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
