I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
