I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so let's talk penis.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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