I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
