Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I AM VODKA MAN
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
