So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A+ Viking dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
