I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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