Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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