I hate all girls vehemently.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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