She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
