How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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