What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You ruined the universe
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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