i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize