Will you blow on my dice?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
