I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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