There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
