Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
