So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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