I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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