Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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