im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
