I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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