Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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