If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was confusing and full of hummus
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
