Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Welp...herpes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
