We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
