Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
