a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
