why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
