And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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