Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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