I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
