i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
