U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
