he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
