to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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