Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
