I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we're making bets on your personal life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
