She is in my trunk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
