she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
