I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
