he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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