Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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