you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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