I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
