A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
