More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
