Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
