my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
