too bad you live with your parents still
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
