I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
