Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
