Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
