It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
