I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
