My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently you make a good broom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
