if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
