apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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