I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
