White coat. Heels.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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