I must be too annoying 4 u.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
