I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
