You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
